As Hard as I Try…

I try very hard to be a good person. I also try very hard to be a good driver. It’s easy to believe that I am doing just fine in my pursuit of greatness in both of these areas. In fact, yesterday I felt secure in both my navigation skills and my humanitarian abilities. But then…

I stopped at a red light. I patted myself on the back. That’s what good drivers do at red lights. We stop. Yes, I am indeed a great driver. I wait. I am patient, which supports that I am also a very good person. But then, after two full minutes – not like two seconds that feels like two minutes, literally two full minutes – I do the unthinkable and glance down at my phone.

In this exact second, the light changes. I don’t notice and the guy behind me, whom I suspect is neither a good person nor a good driver, honks aggressively. Instinctively, I wave at him and go through the light.

My reaction would have been reasonable had my wave consisted of all five fingers, but unfortunately it excluded four of them. That’s right. I gave the guy a thumbs-up … except instead of my thumb it was my middle finger.

I instantly felt very ashamed. I realized quickly that I am not a great driver. In fact, I am actually quite careless. I am also not a great person. As it turns out, I am a bit irrational.

You see, as hard as I try, I am simply not perfect. I can try harder, but I will still not be perfect.

It is easy to forget sometimes that we are so dependent on God’s grace. It is when I am the most confident in my own capability to function as a flawless human that I am quickly reminded of how very flawed I am.

I am impatient. I am emotional and jealous. And I am extremely insecure. The truth is, I will probably always be these things. But God’s grace proves to be sufficient time and time again. For when I am weak, He is strong!

God loves and uses the mess that I am. He places people in my life who acknowledge my imperfections but cherish me for as hard as I try. I am truly very blessed.

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