Higher Than I

“Do you remember the day I quit a great job because it just didn’t feel right?” I asked my friend and mentor as we walked. The day was warm, but a cool breeze made the stroll down the historic path pleasant. The older gentleman laughed, “Yes I do! You were so excited!” Now it was my turn to laugh. I wasn’t excited, I was terrified!

Truth be told, I was terrified every day for two years after that wondering and worrying. “What if I don’t get a contract this month?” “What if I don’t get a contract next month?” As we continued to talk and walk, I told him that. “So, what happened?” he asked, already aware that I had made peace. “I was okay every day for the past two years,” I replied.

For two years, I spent 730 days worrying and absolutely 0 days being homeless or hungry. The point is, worrying is natural. Just this week, I worked with my attorney to address medical identity theft that I had suffered. I made a huge career decision. I contemplated a move. I filed a police report because threats were made on my life! I struggled and worried. I wrestled. I made myself crazy weighing pros and cons, considering alternatives, and evaluating possible results in my head. I cussed a little and I cried a lot.

As a result, my worry left me unable to interact with my friends and family. It left me irritable and disconnected…and then I worried about that also. I couldn’t focus on my work or enjoy it. Of course, I worried about that, too.

I was absolutely exhausted by the time I lowered my head and said, “God, I trust you with my whole heart.” In that moment, I knew that I was never in control. And even though some of my issues were valid and scary, the energy I spent dwelling on them was not helpful. I received peace in surrendering my worry to my God. As you may have surmised, everything is still okay.

“…When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Psalm 61:2

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